The Next Two Years…
I am going to kind of rush through the next two years cause a lot of it is a blur to me thanks to a certain building climbing accident that I will write about later this week.
So by now Jessica and I are in love and everything seems perfect! Well… except the issue of my bed being 534 miles away from her bed (remember that number, it is important later on). The distance began taking a toll on both of us… In all honesty, it was hard… but it wasn’t that hard. I think we both became very selfish and I was the first one to crack.
I met a girl. A local girl. Lets call her Mistake 1, or M1 for short. The problem was I met M1 at the first party I ever went to. It was a bonfire in the middle of nowhere. Everyone was drinking and having fun but I felt slightly out of place because I didn’t drink or party. One drunk girl stumbled over to me and I barely caught her name before she began drinking again and hooking up with some dude. This should have been my first sign that this was a bad idea. The next day her cousin got a hold of me and told me that M1 thought I was pretty cute. Well I took her out a few times, asked her to homecoming, kissed it up a little bit and next thing I knew she was my girlfriend. Now this was a long time ago and along with the brain damage I received from my little mishap I can’t even remember how I broke the news to Jessica… but I’m sure it didn’t go over very well.
Well about 7 months passed by and I stuck with M1. I’m not really sure why I did. She smoked constantly, she got drunk every night, smoked a lot of weed, she had a pretty hint of ghetto to her, she broke up with me 3 time, and we did a lot of things that we shouldn’t have… She was pretty hot though! Does that make me shallow? Eh, oh well. I have recently learned I have a terrible habit of wanting to ‘fix’ girls I date. I make myself believe that I can turn these girls into better people and be some kind of life saver to them. It sounds silly now, but wait until I get further along in my story.
I don’t want to say she cheated on me… but she definitely had another guy she had interest in for a long time while we were together and she definitely broke up with me for him. Oh well, at that point in time I had absolutely killed and buried my feeling of jealousy. I find that feeling is a waste and has never done anyone any good in any way. Period. So I was okay with our break up.
Now when M1 and I broke up, Jessica currently had a big ape of a boyfriend by the name of Luke. Luke was a football player and… well that’s all he had going for him. The thing I love about Jessica is that she always saw the good inside people, and I guess she saw a lot of good inside him cause I didn’t see any good outside of him.
Back to me. Luckily I had another girl I was ready to date too! This lovely lady goes by the name of Samantha Larson. Sammy and I were best friend for a long time and up until now we always had a significant other. This was the first time we were both single at the same time. Needless to say I was on that like a fat kid on a cupcake! Me and Sammy dated for the better half of a month but I just wasn’t really feeling it… Depression had been hitting me hard the next few months and made me realize I still had feelings for my first love from long ago. I ended it with Sammy and we agreed to be friends. To this day, Sammy is one of my best friends! She has always been there for me and she has helped me through a lot of hard times. Here’s to one of the few girls who have seen me cry! Thanks Slammalama.
Like I said, depression began to take over my life. I fell away from the Church and looked to other ways to fill me. I feel into the wrong crowd and began drinking and partying. This was the beginning of summer going in to Senior year. All the parties and random hookups were fun but they didn’t fill the spot I held inside me for that one girl. Lucky for me Jessica began running into a few rough patches with her boyfriend. We began talking and things were finally looking up. There was one night where I was packing up all my stuff at a small party I was at. All the other guys had went into the back room to smoke weed (proud to say I have never smoked any kind of drug before in my life!). As I was getting ready to kill one more beer and head home the police surround the house and storm inside. Since I was the only one in the living room when the police showed up I had to be the one to lead them to the room where the owner of the house was smoking weed with the 10 other guys. Kinda sucky huh?? Well long story short, I ended up having my Dad pick me up that night and I walked away with a MIP (Minor in possession of alcohol). That was the last party I ever went to. After everything I had been through I was led right back to Jessica.
I was pretty ashamed of myself at that point that I couldn’t possibly tell Jessica everything I had been through the past 2 months. Well Jessica broke up with her boyfriend and we began talking seriously again. Eventually I told her everything that I had been through but apparently she doesn’t remember that cause last month when I reminded her about it all she was absolutely surprised!
So things were looking good for us. I think. I don’t really remember the next 6 months. Somewhere in between these 6 months Jessica left me twice because she couldn’t handle the distance. Eventually we got back together and things were going smoother than ever.
I began going to a new Church called First Family. I mainly went cause there were a lot of cute girls, but later found out that FFC was the coolest Church in the world! Anyways… I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life. I met a new local girl. Let’s call her Mistake 2, or M2 for short. Once again I fell for the girl that was right in front of me instead of the girl I loved and should be with. November 15th, 2009 Jessica called me and I broke up with her… I have done a lot of stupid things in my life but this was the single worst decision I have ever made. I’ll never forget the pain I heard in her voice as she began crying and begging me not to go. I will never forgive myself for that day.
The next 9 months were the worst 9 months of my life. I won’t go into detail but lets just say I became so depressed I wanted every day of my life to be my last. I had absolutely no self-esteem. I did some things I wish I hadn’t and I fell so far away from God I felt absolutely hopeless. I became the kind of person I hated. I wasn’t me. I was… I don’t know. Some kind of horrible monster. Lets just be glad I wasn’t so far gone and a certain girl was there to bring me back to who I use to be. I suppose that I am glad I went through what I did because if I didn’t then I wouldn’t be who I am right now. I still wish I wouldn’t have ever left Jessica.
When I was with M2 I was miserable and I needed someone to be there for me. Even though I was forbidden to talk to here I still tried to whenever I had the chance. She made me feel happy and, for a moment, safe. When everything in my life was falling apart God brought Jessica back into my life and once again our paths cross. For the first time ever we discovered Skype. One late night I decided to give her a video call and this was the first time in 2 years I had seen her live and I could stare into her eyes. It was almost like I was standing right in front of her. Skyping with Jessica because a fairly often routine for me. Over the next few weeks me and M2 finally broke up and when I needed someone there to rejoice with me it seemed Jessica was first in line. Apparently there was a long line because my pals Micael Albonico and Daniel Cravens were waiting for this day. It was marked down in their calendar as the day of rejoicement. Now according to Micael there was a cake involved.. This cake had a picture of M2 on it but instead of us eating we stomped on it. This is an event I don’t recall.
With my new found freedom I could finally be with Jessica again! Wait, you guess it. There is a problem… It seems as though after I broke up with Jessica she found someone else. She moved on from me and fell in love with someone new. At the time she admitted that she loved me more than him and she wanted to be with me so badly and I believed her. Jessica and I became extremely close with each other over the next couple weeks. Every feeling I had for her came rushing back 10x stronger. We ended up Skyping nightly for at least 3+ hours. Things were going so great for us. Everything except for me being filled with immense regret every single day. I will not allow myself to be forgiven for what I did to her and right now she wasn’t willing to forgive me either.
As good as things were with us there still was the pain she couldn’t let go of and I saw it in her eyes every time she looked at me. I felt like such a jerk trying to jump back into her life so suddenly. What right do I have to come marching back in whenever I want? None. I made her promise me she wouldn’t change a single thing about her life as long as she was happy. I knew things were going to be difficult and if they didn’t work out I couldn’t bare to see her hurt again because of me. At lease now she can’t take any blame if it doesn’t work out. I’ll take all the blame for everything and she can remain blameless, cause that’s what she is.
Well a few weeks passed and I got caught up in her pretty badly. So badly that I didn’t even think of the possibility of her calling me one morning and telling me that M2 had sent her a Facebook message explaining how what we were doing was unfair to her boyfriend. Yup. Didn’t see that one coming. Well a week passed with us not talking and I was pretty upset that she was actually going through with this. Then came the Facebook posts that said 534… Yup, 534. I was so mad!! She says she shouldn’t be talking to me and then starts luring me in like a fish! I couldn’t help it. I had to call her and straighten things out. After a lengthy phone call I convinced her that this guy is an idiot and I am the one she is suppose to be with. We were talking again. That’s a start, right?
Well a few more weeks went by and we fell even more in love with each other. My best friend Isaac Penner and I decided to plan a road trip out to Oklahoma to see Jessica for the first time in two years! We were planning on going August 21st and it was going to be awesome. Well of course I got an email on Sunday morning on the 15th from Jessica saying she can’t do it anymore. It seemed to her that we were ruined and there was no forgiving what I had done. I was too far gone.
I was depressed for a day. Then Tuesday morning I woke up, got in my car and drove to Oklahoma.
I didn’t tell anyone I was leaving and I didn’t even tell her. I drove 534 miles and 10 hours just so I could have her say that she can’t be with me to my face. Unfortunately she caught on to my little surprise visit because I was updating my Facebook with every hundred miles I drove. I would simply say ‘100’ or ‘200’ but she caught on when I got to 200! There were a few other minor details that may have led her to that conclusion but oh well, she’s a smart kid.
When I reached Enid I was so excited and nervous and scared and pretty much every other feeling imaginable! When I got to her neighborhood I updated my facebook to say “534. Finally here :)” and minutes before I got to her house she saw it and commented on it saying “I knew it”. My plot was foiled!
To my surprise she did not send me away but rather she hugged me and almost started crying. She couldn’t stop hugging me and I had no problem with that. This was the first time in 2 years that I saw the girl I am in love with! No doubt the best moment of my life.
Well I ended up staying in Enid for about 5 days total. It was awesome to see my best friend again after so long. We spent every day together just hanging out and spending time together. It couldn’t have been more perfect.
The thing about Jessica and I is that we are next-to perfect. We are literally a perfect couple. After these two years our personalities have never clashed. Until one day we had to go shopping for dinner. Turns out she is a very independent girl (which I like) and she wouldn’t let me pick up the groceries for her or push the car. It was actually pretty adorable how she took charge like that. Although it was not okay with me because as a gentleman it was my responsibility to get the groceries and push the cart, pay and clean the table. It is the responsibility of the gentleman, correct? Correct. I intend to break her of this silly little habit one day.
Anyways, extremely long story short… best 5 days of my life. This was the climax of the story. All I can stay is that after I got home everything went downhill from there… Stay stunned for the sad sad story of what happened next.
